Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?  It had no guts...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?  With scare spray...

What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?  Ouch...


How do monsters tell their future?  They read their horrorscope...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?  No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?  Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?  Booberries...


What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?  Halloweenies...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?  Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?  Fangsgiving...

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?  To improve his bite...


What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?  A boo boo...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?  Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?  Decoffinated...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?  Shrinkenstein...

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?  Peekaboo...


What did one ghost say to the other ghost?  Do you believe in people? ...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?  They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?  Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?  Fasten your sheet belts...

What do ghouls eat for breakfast?  Ghost toasties with evaporated milk...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?  A blood vessel...


What type of dog do vampire's like the best?  Bloodhounds...

What time was the Vampire's dentist appointment?  Tooth-Hurty ...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?  Lemon-slime...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?  A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?  Tweets...


Why do vampires need mouthwash?  They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?  A gal with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?  He heard it had great circulation...

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?  He was buttering up his teacher...

What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?  The cold shoulder...

What do you get when you goose a ghost?  A handful of sheet...


What kind of car does a ghost drive?  A Boo-ick...

What did the mother ghost say to her son?  Don't spook unless you are spooken to...

What do ghosts use to wash their hair?  Sham-boo...

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?  Boojeans...

Why wasn't the vampire working?  He was on a coffinbreak...

What do skeletons say before eating?  Bone Appétit..


What does a child monster call his parents?  Mummy and Deady...

Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?  At bootiques...

What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?  The roller ghoster...

What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?  Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...

What fairy tale do ghosts like best?  Sleeping booty...

     

What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?  Airline ghostesses...

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?  High spirits...

Why did the skeleton climb a tree?  Because a dog was after its bones...

How do you make a witch scratch?  Just take away the W...

Where do ghosts go swimming?  The Dead Sea...


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?  Hope it's Halloween...

What do you call a skeleton stone age family?  The Flintbones...

What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?  Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you? ...

What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?  One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...

Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?  Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...

What did the ghost buy for his haunted house?  Home moaner's insurance...


A vacationer is walking through a graveyard in Vienna on Halloween when all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts looking to see where it´s coming from.

He finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, "Ludwig van Beethoven."

Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward. Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but it is also being played backward.

Curious, they agree to consult a music scolar. Then they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing and the expert concludes that the symphonies are in fact being played in reverse order.

By the next day the word spread and a huge group had gathered by the graveside. The caretaker came by and said "Oh, it´s nothing to worry about, He´s just decomposing!"


A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...when behind him he hears:

Bump...

Bump...

Bump...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump...

Bump...

Bump...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster...Bump...

Faster...Bump...

Faster...Bump...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...

Clappity-Bump...

Clappity-Bump...

Clappity-Bump...on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket.

and, The coffin stops!



                

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